a beginning beginner

2009-10-16T17:10:00.001-07:00

Sri Sri Binode Bihari Das babaji Maharaja of Barsana

2009-10-16T17:09:00.000-07:00

2009-10-09T23:06:00.000-07:00

2009-08-22T13:55:00.000-07:00

A nice definition of The Process that I am trying to follow

"...true religion is not the property of any sect, caste, or creed, but the nature of all living beings. Our nature is to love God, but this love has been forgotten since time immemorial. Such love of God must be unconditional to completely satisfy the self.

We are spirit souls, but in ignorance, we identify this temporary body with the self. The cause of all suffering is forgetfulness of our relationship with God, consciousness of this relationship can easily be awakened by the chanting of God's names.

This process, which revives our dormant love of God, is called bhakti-yoga."
-Paraphrase of Sri Radhanatha Swami Maharaja

2009-01-03T18:16:00.000-08:00

Dear readers, I am back. Please forgive my absence.
The Babaji (Vashnava renunciate) about whom I wrote about earlier under the heading "Part One" (Sri Binode Bihari Das Babaji Maharaj) has written an amazing guide for those who would attempt to tread the ancient path of Bhakti (devotion to Krsna, the Absolute Person, God if you will) according to the desires of Sri Krsna Caitanya Mahaprabhu and His associates. With some slight editing for grammar, this is page 92-93 of this text. Just really inspired and wanted to share. Radhe Radhe!

1. Q: To what degree is my heart pure?
A: To the degree I have stopped seeing faults in others.

2. Q: How much have I progressed in bhajan(the process of and practice of devotion to Krsna)?
A: To the extent I have become free of false ego, material desires
and thoughts other than those of Sri Bhagavân (Krsna or, "that person who possesses the six auspicious qualities in infinitude" in other words, God).

3. Q: How much have I gained Bhakti Devi’s (devotion for Krsna personified conceptually) mercy?
A: I have gained Bhakti Devi’s mercy to the extent that I consider myself
lower than others, unworthy and fallen.

4. Q: How fearless have I become?
A: To the extent I have become free of false ego and taken
shelter of Sri Govinda’s (Krsna's)lotus feet.

5. Q: How much of a pure devotee (of Krsna) have I become?
A: To the extent I have stopped seeing faults in others and forgiving.

6. Q: How much has my intelligence become clear?
A: To the extent I can seek out my own faults and try with body,
speech and mind to improve myself.

7. Q: How free have I become of false ego?
A: To the extent I can hear harsh words of an evil person and
not become agitated.

8. Q: How illuminated is my heart with bhakti?
A: To the extent it has become free of false ego and it is agitated for the
darshan (mystical glimpse - defined as seeing and being seen) of the Divine Couple.

9. Q: How liberated am I?
A: As much as I am free of material desires.

10.Q: How detached am I?
A: As much as I have become disinterested in worldly matters.

11.Q: Am I deprived?
A: Yes, if I am still waiting for that auspicious moment to arrive when
I will begin bhajan (practices of devotion to Krsna).

12.Q: Am I qualified to receive Sri Bhagavân’s mercy quickly?
A: Yes, if I think –“I don’t have one second to lose. Death will come
any moment and snatch me.” Thinking like this, if I accept all sorrow
amidst innumerable troubles and tribulations and I continue in the
endeavors of bhajan with firm determination. ((We can gain Sri
Bhagavân’s kripâ (mercy)more quickly in unfavorable circumstances than
when our situation is favorable). How fast I will gain
kripâ - unfavorable circumstances are the tests.)

13.Q: Am I foolish?
A: Yes, I am, if I consider this destructible material body to be mine.

14.Q: Am I intelligent?
A: Yes, if by using this body that is material, destructible and full of
suffering - I am able to obtain the transcendental, eternal and
blissful Sri Govinda - I am truly very intelligent.

2008-08-19T18:15:00.000-07:00

"But things aren't so simple. Scattered among the world's top scientists are those who do believe in a conscious intention behind nature's processes. I think of people such as Francis Collins, director of the Human Genome Project, and Professor Bill Phillips, winner of the Nobel Prize for Physics in 1997. The presence of such people poses awkward questions for the view that evolutionary theory and a sophisticated scientific brain lead inexorably towards atheism. There must be more to the so-called "science versus God" story than this.

Indeed, the fact that there are brilliant scientists who believe in God and brilliant scientists who don't makes it clear that the conflict is not a simplistic one between science and religion, but between opposing world views - naturalism and theism."

A great article highlighting the critical pivot around which this debate orbits.

http://www.watoday.com.au/opinion/why-not-every-scientist-worships-at-darwins-feet-20080818-3x8u.html?page=1

2008-04-18T21:18:00.003-07:00

After returning to Baba's asrama, he wrote on his dry-erase board, "What will you take?" for food. We told him we were fine and not to feed us. Baba shook his head and wrote " if you like, I will make my special sweet rice". We fell over each other saying that Baba should just make whatever he wanted and we will take anything.
Baba then wrote " if you ORDER me I will make my special sweet rice".
He then underlined and circled "sweet rice".

We laughingly told him " Baba, we ORDER you to make your special sweet rice". He merrily bounded off to the kitchen with the biggest smile to prepare what would soon be the single most delicious thing I have ever had in my life.
After making japa for some time, we all sat down inside the kutir and leaf plates were put down in front of each of us. Baba then brought the largest single plate of rice I had ever seen. It was yellow from turmeric and saffron and had chilis, golden raisisn, brown raisins, cashews, and alot of various spices including cardamom pods. Baba heaped huge spoonfulls on to our plates and stopped only when they threatened to overflow with the subji and capatis and other breads that had very obviously come from vrajavasi madhukari that day. (I just realized that when the young Babajis opened their tiffin containers and took out the breads and put them on our plates, they were from madhukari. Vrajavasi madhukari! Wow- I feel very blessed and humbled to know that I received food from Vrajavasis!) After a short prayer, we dug in with gusto. I already told you that it was the best food I had ever tasted, but... I tell you, that the rice was spicy, sweet, savory and full of ghee. It was so soothing and stimulating and flavorful that my mouth wanted nothing more than to eat this dish always. Baba sat on a low bed and drew pictures of flowers on his dry erase board and waited for some room to be made on our plates at which time he shoveled more on to them.
I could not make the rice dissappear fast enough. Baba kept at it. I ate more and more and more kept coming. Friends, this sounds funny but after a lifetime of eating too much, I had met my match. I quietly asked Madhavananda if I could stop eating and he said something to the effect of, "well, you need to do what you need to do".
I decided that after a lifetime of over-eating nasty (non-veg) things till I was fat, I would not miss this opportunity to eat anything and everything that Baba was giving.
(I know that would not be practical in the long term, but I did not know how long I would be with Baba, so...)
After dinner and washing, we sat down on our beds.

2008-04-18T21:18:00.001-07:00

So, as we continue our story, we were walking the long and winding path up the hill to the Shriji Mandir where Baba takes darshan every day after parikrama. Have I mentioned the very sharp stones? We had gone off the path about twenty feet and Baba was looking around him. Left and right he was searching the scrub and bushes with a quizzical look on his face. He looked at Nitai Das (who btw looks like a younger version of Baba) who looked just as puzzled. Nitai Das began making strange guttural noises at regular intervals like a shouted grunt at the diaphragm level. Then it happened.
While walking up the path we had seen many signs informing pilgrims to beware of aggressive monkeys. We had seen a few monkeys loitering about, but no marauding troops of simian perfidy. However, after Nitai Das uttered his noises, there came a wave of fur and glimmering eyes up the ridge where we stood headed straight at Baba!
I instinctively looked at Baba and Nitai Das. They looked pleased and excited. The wave of monkeys ran at full clip up the hill and stooped just short of baba. Baba took the burlap sack from Nitai Das and gave each monkey a piece of dried capati. Each monkey happily took their piece and moved aside for the next. This went on with great zest by the monkeys when a large male grabbed the piece meant for another after he had finished his. Baba gave the monkey a gentle but firm push and fulfilled the almost victim's desire for bread. After the pieces had been distributed and the whole troop (around one hundred to one hundred and fifty monkeys) had been fed, Baba turned the bag upside down, shook it out and wrapped it up looking very satisfied.
Madhavananda and I looked at each other with some amazement.
We continued along the parikrama marg and came to a lila stali where the super-excellent devotees of Sri Sri Vallabhacarya ji were setting up a double throne and flower swings and rugs where pilgrims could come and take the blessings of sweet children dressed up as the Yugala Kishora. Baba took the blessings of the little RadhaKrishna and we all followed suit.
We arrived at Shriji Mandir (second time that day for me ) and we got in the darshan line. Baba made dandavat pranaams for a very long time, perhaps one and a half minutes and rose to take long darshan of Shriji. He then moved to the back where he could see but allow others look as well. Baba began muttering prayers too quietly to be audible. In a very short time tears were gently tracing the line from the outside corner of each eye and down his cheeks. He conscientiously wiped them away with his cadar as I stood amazed and humbled.
Humbled primarily because I had no eyes to see the form he was obviously beholding. I was simply being jostled by the crush of pilgrims and made my escape to the stone steps of the inner courtyard and watching the Sakhi Maharajas and pilgrims of various kinds including many babajis I had never seen before and all the while watching the back of Baba's head as he stood observing his heart's desire, Radha carana padma.
He then, after many minutes made pranams again and moved to the front of the outer courtyard facing Shriji's mandir door. He and many other babajis were making their japa and sitting closely with each other.

2008-04-18T21:17:00.001-07:00

The parikrama is a blur in my mind so bear with me.
First Baba chants japa loudly while walking. This is very attractive and his voice is so sweet. I especially remember his voice on ...Rama Rama Hare Hare.
Second, Baba walks fast. How fast? Baba never walked faster than a nice leisurely stroll. I found myself breaking into a run at several points to catch up.
Every person crossed Baba's path in any fashion whether verbally, waving, or by coming to say Radhe Radhe got his full attention and response in kind. Street urchins and various children running up to Baba (many) got full handshakes/hugs/head rubs/hair ruffles. In fact the face of one girl will be forever etched in my mind. A boy around ten years old was walking with his sister around eight years. They saw baba and walked right at him saying "Radhe Radhe, Baba". Baba ruffled the Boys hair and just before they walked off gently touched the girl's cheek with the index finger of his left hand. She had the biggest smile on her face and her eyes were half-closed. This was a typical interaction with the children on the parikrama marg.
This kind of exchange was not limited to children however. Teens, Young men and women and adults to very senior people all got at least a few seconds of baba's time on the walk.

One other event on the walk sticks out for me. An old man was begging in the doorway to a house. It was up on steps quite high such that the old man's feet were at chest level. When we walked by, the old man cried out for alms and Baba stopped and indicated he had nothing but chanted Radhe Radhe to the old man and then while chanting began massaging his hands, arms legs and feet. This man got a three minute massage and then we moved on.

2008-04-18T20:58:00.000-07:00

Part two

We entered and I was amazed at the spacious and immaculate grounds of the asrama (really just a small concrete building surrounded by the largest Tulasi plants I have ever seen) and walked down a path made of perfectly smooth cow dung between huge jasmine bushes and marigolds. There was a beautiful little Siva shrine with Lingam/yoni and pancakshara mantra written in stone above the little mandap. The building sported a broad porch upon which two young Nitai vamsh babas were sitting doing japa.
We approached and made pranaams and introductions were had etc. We were told by a very beautiful and older looking Advaita vamsh babaji that Vinode baba was just finishing his morning bhajan and would come see us directly. From the window directly in front of us as we sat, we could hear Baba singing Bhagavat in a beautiful voice full of reverence. He then performed arati of his deities which when we peered thru the window we saw were a gigantic painting of Shriji and very nice Nitai Gaur deities and a very large picture of Sri 1008 Tinkudi Baba ( I am sure there were more, but...).
He sang Joy Shri Krishna Caitanya, Prabhu Nityananda, Hare Krishna Hare Rama, Shri Radhe Govinda in a lovely voice.

Several moments later he came out of the screen door and before Madhavananda and I could even think, Baba was on the ground making pranaams to us! We of course immediately followed suit and he gave us asanas and cushions to make us comfortable. He was observing mauna, (I think he does this every Kartik) so motioned to me and Madhavananda introduced me as his friend from America etc. I was at once struck by Baba's smiling face. His whole face radiated natural joy. His eyes themselves were smiling radiant brown orbs. His body was quite stout with heavily muscled arms and shoulders. His jatta was tightly coiled into a large ball on the diagonal of his head to his left. His tilak was very dark and vary large.
I don't want to sound like a hippy, but the overwhelming sense that I got from him was of love. I felt that he loved the Yugala Kishora and that he loved his Guru and that he loved anyone lucky enough to cross his path. I have spent a lot of time in the past few years meeting many Gurus (ISKCON) and reading all the books of the pre-eminent teachers of the tradition living and recently departed for the lila (IGM, Traditional). In some cases I was deeply impressed instantly; in other cases warmed to them after reading their books or hearing them speak. In a few cases I was repelled a reaction which I took to be unfortunate but impossible to ignore. I don't think I ever got such a strong vibe of love before.
When I met Baba, I was instantly taken with his face, mood and general aspect.
He immediately asked us by hand signs to stay the night. We readily agreed. He then asked us to take prasad. We told him we just ate (a lie- we didn't want to be trouble) he would not take no for an answer. We accepted and he disappeared into the kutir and began singing Harinam. We sat and made japa till he returned with two gigantic plates full of fresh cut fruit and sweets with little tulasi patra on top.
This was the freshest and most delicious fruit I have ever had. The sweets were also very opulent and savory. When we had emptied a little of our plate, Baba with his own hand placed more on. This went on till the gigantic plate that was sitting in front of Baba that he was serving from was completely empty. Needless to say we were completely satisfied. Baba sat with us for a short time and brought out a dry erase board to at least have the bare bones of communication. I honestly can't remember anything that was said by Madhavananda or me or anyone else at this point. Too full and happy . Sunset was soon approaching and Baba made some hand signs to Madhavananda who said that Baba makes parikrama of Barasana and takes Darshana of Shriji everyday- will you come? I told Madhavananda that I was too tired and my feet hurt more than I have ever felt in my life. Baba heard me and took his dry erase board and wrote,” short walk- you come" then erased it. “We go slow- I will show you something new" soon followed. At that moment I felt all my tiredness and fatigue and pain rise like a wave and I was sure I would not go. Instead I found myself saying "Baba, whatever you say, that is what I will do". In the exact moment that I surrendered, I felt that wave of tiredness and pain break and wash away followed by a total renewal of body and mind. I felt totally fresh and ready to run a marathon. The pain in my feet disappeared, and my energy level skyrocketed with my mood.
Baba and a young baba named Nitai Das who was carrying a burlap sack and Madhavananda and I set off. (There may have been others, but...)

2008-04-10T08:29:00.000-07:00

Part One.

I have for a long time wanted to post my record of my meeting with Sri Binode Bihari Das Babaji Maharaj or Vinode Baba as he is known in Barsana and among our assembly here.
I must first offer thanks to Madhavananda for being the instrument of Sri Nitaichand's mercy and taking me to him and for babysitting me and keeping me from making too much a fool of myself.
Upon reaching Radhakunda and meeting with Madhavananda, we discussed the list of Gurus and noted Vaisnavas that I wanted to meet in the scant few days I had to spend there. I got to take Sri Ananta Das Babaji Mahraja's very kind association and was very happy. He was first on the list. Number two was Sanatana Das Babaji and as we all know, for various reasons, that was out of the question. Number three was Prankrishna Das Babaji. I have corresponded with sisyas of his and have alway been impressed by his dependence on Sri Nama Prabhu and his ecstatic mood. We were unable to find him. I was also unable to locate Fakir Mohan Das- he was probably still in Orissa.
That was it. I was out of ideas. Madhavananda said in an almost offhand way, "well, there is one very nice Baba in Barsana who I was very inspired by when I met him. He will probably be in Mauna, but we can make pranaams and see Barsana."
I was game for whatever he wanted to do so we set out the next morning.
We autorikshawed to Barsana and made parikrama of the hill (barefoot) and walked all the way (long way) up the hill and went to the AMAZING Shriji mandir there.

I am, for those who don't know me, very fat. Six feet one inch tall and 280lbs. I work a very physical job but walking barefoot on sharp stones up hill is not part of my usual program. Needless to say after the previous day of 14 km of walking around Gobardhan and Radhakunda I was at my absolute physical limit by the time we reached Vinode Baba's idyllic asrama.
I mean absolutely exhausted and on the verge of emotional upset due to it and the intensity of being in Mathura Mandala. I just needed to sit and ache and maybe nap.
We came to the gate of Baba's asrama and the soft sand soothed my feet slightly and the shade from the bowers of creepers and trees made the blazing sun less a factor. I did mention it was very hot, yes?

We entered and I was amazed at the spacious and immaculate grounds of the asrama (really just a small concrete building surrounded by the largest Tulasi plants I have ever seen) and walked down a path made of perfectly smooth cow dung between huge jasmine bushes and marigolds. There was a beautiful little Siva shrine with Lingam/yoni and pancakshara mantra written in stone above the little mandap. The building sported a broad porch upon which two young Nityananda vamsh babas were sitting doing japa.
We approached and made pranaams and introductions were had etc. We were told by a very beautiful and older looking Advaita vamsh babaji that Vinode baba was just finishing his morning bhajan and would come see us directly. From the window directly in front of us as we sat, we could hear Baba singing Bhagavat in a beautiful voice full of reverence. He then performed arati of his deities which when we peered thru the window we saw were a gigantic painting of Shriji and very nice Nitai Gaur deities and a very large picture of Sri 1008 Tinkudi Baba ( I am sure there were more, but...).
He sang Joy Shri Krishna Caitanya, Prabhu Nityananda, Hare Krishna Hare Rama, Shri Radhe Govinda in a lovely voice.

Several moments later he came out of the screen door and before Mdhavananda and myself could even think, Baba was on the ground making pranaams to us! We of course immediately followed suit and he gave us asanas and cushions to make us comfortable. He was observing mauna, (i think he does this every kartik) so motioned to me and Madhavananda introduced me as his friend from America etc. I was at once struck by Baba's smiling face. His whole face radiated natural joy. His eyes themselves were smiling radiant brown orbs. His body was quite stout with heavily muscled arms and shoulders. His jatta was tightly coiled into a large ball on the diagonal of his head to his left. His tilak was very dark and vary large.
I don't want to sound like a hippy, but the overwhelming sense that i got from him was of love. I felt that he loved the Yugala Kishora and that he loved his Guru and that he loved anyone lucky enough to cross his path. I have spent a lot of time in the past few years meeting many Gurus (ISKCON) and reading all the books of the pre-eminent teachers of the tradition living and recently departed for the lila (IGM, Traditional). In some cases I was deeply impressed instantly, in other cases warmed to them after reading their books or hearing them speak. In a few cases I was repelled a reaction which I took to be unfortunate but impossible to ignore. I don't think I ever got such a strong vibe of love before.
When I met Baba, I was instantly taken with his face, mood and general aspect.
He immediately asked us by hand signs to stay the night. We readily agreed. He then asked us to take prasad. We told him we just ate (a lie- we didn't want to be trouble) he would not take no for an answer. We accepted and he disappeared into the kutir and began singing Harinam. We sat and made japa till he returned with two gigantic plates full of fresh cut fruit and sweets with little tulasi patra on top.
This was the freshest and most delicious fruit I have ever had. The sweets were also very opulent and savory. When we had emptied a little of our plate, Baba with his own hand placed more on. This went on till the gigantic plate that was sitting in front of Baba that he was serving from was completely empty. Needless to say we were completely satisfied. Baba sat with us for a short time and brought out a dry erase board to at least have the bare bones of communication. I honestly can't remember anything that was said by Madhavananda or myself or anyone else at this point. Too full and happy.
Sunset was soon approaching and Baba made some hand signs to Madhavananda who said that Baba makes parikrama of Barasana and takes Darshana of Shriji everyday- will you come? I told Madhavananda that I was too tired and my feet hurt more than I have ever felt in my life. Baba heard me and took his dry erase board and wrote,"short walk- you come" then erased it. " We go slow- I will show you something new" soon followed. At that moment I felt all my tiredness and fatigue and pain rise like a wave and I was sure I would not go. Instead I found myself saying "Baba, whatever you say, that is what I will do". In the exact moment that I surrendered, I felt that wave of tiredness and pain break and wash away followed by a total renewal of body and mind. I felt totally fresh and ready to run a marathon. The pain in my feet disappeared, and my energy level skyrocketed with my mood.
Baba and a young baba named Nitai Das who was carrying a burlap sack and Madhavananda and myself set off. (There may have been others, but...)

The parikrama is a blur in my mind so bear with me.
First Baba chants japa loudly while walking. This is very attractive and his voice is so sweet. I especially remember his voice on ...Rama Rama Hare Hare.
Second, Baba walks fast. How fast? Baba never wlked faster than a nice leisurely stroll. I found myself breaking into a run at several points to catch up.
Every person crossed Baba's path in any fashion whether verbally, waving, or by coming to say Radhe Radhe got his full attention and response in kind. Street urchins and various Vrajavasi children running up to Baba (many) got full handshakes/hugs/head rubs/hair ruffles. In fact the face of one girl will be forever etched in my mind. A boy around ten years oldwas walking with his sister around eight years. They saw baba and walked right at him saying "Radhe Radhe, Baba". Baba ruffled the Boys hair and just before they walked off gently touched the girl's cheek with the index finger of his left hand. She had the biggest smile on her face and her eyes were half-closedas she walked away. This was a typical interaction with the children on the parikrama marg.
This kind of exchange was not limited to children however. Teens, Young men and women and adults to very senior people all got at least a few seconds of baba's time on the walk.

One other event on the walk sticks out for me. An old man was begging in the doorway to a house. It was up on steps quite high such that the old man's feet were at chest level. When we walked by, the old man cried out for alms and Baba stopped and indicated he had nothing but chanted Radhe Radhe to the old man and then while chanting began massaging his hands, arms legs and feet. This man got a three minute massage and then we moved on.
To Be Con't

2008-03-25T16:15:00.000-07:00

Anger

cintām aparimeyāḿ ca
pralayāntām upāśritāḥ
kāmopabhoga-paramā
etāvad iti niścitāḥ
āśā-pāśa-śatair baddhāḥ
kāma-krodha-parāyaṇāḥ
īhante kāma-bhogārtham
anyāyenārtha-sañcayān
Bhagavad Gita 16.11-12

"They (those under sway of demoniac natures)believe that to gratify the senses is the prime necessity of human civilization. Thus until the end of life their anxiety is immeasurable. Bound by a network of hundreds of thousands of desires and absorbed in lust and anger (which arises when desires are frustrated), they secure money by illegal means for sense gratification."
Purport AC Bhaktivedanta Swami Maharaja

The Mental Health Foundation of Great Britain says anger is often dealt with only after someone has committed an aggressive crime.
Almost a third of 2,000 people polled said they had a friend or family member who struggled to contain their anger.

Chronic and intense anger has been linked to heart disease, cancer, stroke, colds and flu as well as depression, self-harm and substance misuse, the charity's Boiling Point report said. And anger is more likely to have a negative effect on relationships than any other emotion. The foundation said courts may refer someone for anger management training but services need to intervene sooner.
GPs say they have few options for helping patients who come to with anger problems.

A YouGov survey of 2,000 people found 12% of people say they have trouble controlling their anger.
One in four says they worry about how angry they sometimes feel and 64% think people in general are getting angrier.
from BBCWorld

2008-03-25T00:13:00.001-07:00

Process/Goal/Process

"I am happy to hear that you continued to chant despite so many doubts and skepticism. That is the process. Even there may be doubts and skepticism, if one continues the chanting process, the doubts will all disappear, and real knowledge will be revealed by the Grace of Krishna."
A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Maharaj

"Does God exist? If He exists, can He be experienced in this lifetime? If the answer to these questions is affirmative, it becomes the absolute necessity of man to experience Him directly at any cost."
Swami Vivekananda

I recently found the above quote by Bhaktivedanta Swami Maharaja and found it very satisfying to my mind. I was just going to post it alone with nothing else when I remembered the snippet paraphrased here from Vivekananda Swami. They actually complement each other. If one is convinced that the goal of their life lies on the other side of a wall, no amount of work or time spent would be too great a price to pay. If, on the other hand, one does not believe that the goal is to be found there, no amount of work or time spent would be justified.
When I was very young, I saw a picture on a friend's wall. It was a picture of (apparently) Jesus and some person embracing tenderly. It read at the bottom, "I never said it would be easy. I said it would be worth it."
At the time I could not appreciate the sentiment. But now, even as a (in-process) Gaudiya, I think I get it.

2008-03-20T23:23:00.001-07:00

catur-vidha bhajante mam
janah sukrtinorjuna
arto jijnasur artharthi
jnani ca bharatarsabha

Four kinds of pious men begin to render devotional service unto Me, Arjuna — the distressed, the desirer of wealth, the inquisitive, and he who is searching for knowledge of the Absolute, o best among the Bhāratas.
This is my version of the hard day blog that my dear wife wrote. We have had some trying times lately. Adriana is of course out on maternity leave which has been wonderful. Whole family trips to Mass, Panca Tattva Mandir and just being in each other’s company. Recently, however, our apartment building was sold and as part of the sale, we were fumigated. Not us, the apartment. We spent a glorious day and night at the fabulous Roby family’s house. The family, not the house being fabulous. Actually the house is fabulous as well. No pater familius, tho :( . And two nights at the not fabulous America’s Best Inn Laguna Beach. If the desk clerk at a hotel witnesses to your wife upon checking in that Jesus has rescued him from drug abuse, homosexuality and child molestation do you still stay there? We did. Upside was time spent at the fabulous Sri Sri Panca tattva Mandir in Laguna Beach (285 Legion Street Laguna Beach).
Anyway, when I returned to make sure the apartment was aired out properly before bringing the babies and Adriana back, I discovered the body of our "beloved" family cat Allegro. Apparently he got back in just before the fumigation took place.
RIP
June 9th, 1995
March 13th, 2008
Now, Joaquin has some infection (we’ll know more Friday) and we had to take him to the Emergency room last night at midnight. By we I mean my darling wife Adriana. She wisely turned down the lumbar puncture (spinal tap) to detect meningitis and after seeing our family doctor today, we are optimistic that he will soon be fine. Since Adriana is also sick, I have stayed home from both jobs that I was to do today. A shift at Trader Joe’s and painting the foyer at temple all night. So, on this day when I was supposed to make around two hundred dollars for my family, I made nothing. The final straw was when my delightful older son Giovanni put a gaping hole in our $35 exercise ball with which we soothe Joaquin to sleep, I burned the pizza that I was making for Adriana and him for lunch.

That was it.
I had no emotional stamina left.
I felt my whole consciousness constrict and whirl in my chest.
I felt the color drain from my face and gasped for breath.

I am now in that category of people who turn to Krsna in distress. When Joaquin was born, I felt so vulnerable and felt my family at the mercy of people and circumstances beyond our control- hospital/insurance company regulations/biology etc. In my distress, I had a mental picture of the Panca Tattva and prayed to them for their protection. And here today a few hours ago, I again found myself turning to Sri Nitai Prabhu, Sri Gauranga Mahaprabhu, Sri Shantipura Natha Advaita Prabhu, Sri Pandit Goswami and Srivas Pandit Mahasay for help. Not niskarma bhakti certainly, but one begins where one is.
I am humbly begging the bhakta jana and everyone to bless us and bless me that in distress and calm I will turn to RadhaKrsna and Nitai Gauranga for help.
Just remembering them is in every case salvation, victory and succor.

2007-09-14T19:53:00.001-07:00

2007-09-04T16:44:00.000-07:00

An appreciation of Rumi

I would love to kiss you.
The price of kissing is your life.

Now my love is running toward my life shouting,
What a bargain, let's buy it.

2007-09-02T23:54:00.000-07:00

I replied to Advaita Das's post below with:
This subject is very subtle and difficult to make short work of. I appreciate that both are possible models for reality. Both sides of the argument have their favorite verses to quote that they feel bolster their argument. I am surprised that you missed two biggies that the inherent svarup school uses- Madhya.22.160-161.

160: kṛṣṇaḿ smaran janaḿ cāsya
preṣṭhaḿ nija-samīhitam
tat-tat-kathā-rataś cāsau
kuryād vāsaḿ vraje sadā
Here nija samihitam (of one's own choosing) being critical.

161: dāsa-sakhā-pitrādi-preyasīra gaṇa
rāga-mārge nija-nija-bhāvera gaṇana
And here nija nija is echoed.
If there was not a process of hearing and purifying through association with Vaishnavas these words would absolutely no meaning.

This totally agrees with:
“Love of Krishna is eternally perfect, it is never merely produced by sadhana – when the heart is purified by hearing and so, it arises.”

With regards to sadhana there is no practical difference between the one who subscribes to the inherent or gifted svarup models. This was confirmed by a senior traditional devotee who I can cite in private to you if you wish.
Secondly the school of inherent svarup are of the opinion that
1. no one gets bhakti without mercy of Vaishnava and Krsna.
2. no one gets back to Godhead with out diksa.
3. the ananda that is inherent in the svarup is not of the same quantity or quality of those nitya-siddha-jivas.The inherent school also asks, "if there are two kinds of tatastha sakti jivas, both missing the svarup, as you say, Nitya-Baddha and Nitya-Siddha,
did the nitya siddha tatastha sakti get bhakti lata bija and from whom? And when?
Their svarup must be intrinsic otherwise from where is it coming? Some choose Krsna-dasya and some come here. The one who did not choose Krsna came her and got contaminated and need the diksa.

Point 2:
Now, supposing the jiva who comes here gets bhakti lata bija according to your conception. Let us also suppose for whatever reason he does not attain to Krsna upon dying and takes birth in a human body. if the ananda has been infused into the jiva- he now has his svarup, there would be no necessity to take diksa again?!
But diksa is necessary always.
But if the ontology of the jiva has been fundamentaly altered with the external infusing of the svarup, why take again? This is unworkable.
Please excuse my lack of intelligence and quarrelsome nature.
Joy Sitanatha Prabhu!
Advaita Das replied with:
Interesting comment, Visnudas. However, of the two points:

"Some choose Krsna-dasya and some come here. The one who did not choose Krsna came her and got contaminated and need the diksa."

It seems here you erred, since there is no such siddhanta of Sadhu Shastra and Guru that we made a choice and came here (fall-vada).

"But diksa is necessary always.
But if the ontology of the jiva has been fundamentaly altered with the external infusing of the svarup, why take again? This is unworkable."

As far as I understood from my Guru-bari, the Guru comes back for the submissive disciple. That would almost certainly mean that the disciple gets diksa again. I know that there is a class of Vaishnavas that say that the bhakti lata bija means diksa and can be given just once, but to my knowledge there is no independent confirmation of that. Because in that case your theory would be unworkable.
..............................................
>I will work on a proper reply to Advaita as I was not satisfied with his reply and that is probably due to my lack of clarity and intellect.

2007-09-02T23:49:00.000-07:00

Here is an ongoing discussion between Sriman Advaita Das, (a western-born but thouroughly traditional sisya of Sri Sadhu Baba (13th Generation from Sri Advaita Prabhu)) and myself.

On Saturday, August 18, 2007, Advaita Das posted:
Pure love for Krishna is not dormant within the heart, but is an external gift
There is a widespread theory among Western Vaishnavas that bhakti exists in a dormant state in the heart of the jiva. The upholders of this theory support their view by a verse from Caitanya Caritamrta, which runs as follows:

nitya-siddha krsna-prema 'sadhya' kabhu naya
sravanadi-suddha-citte karaye udaya

“Love of Krishna is eternally perfect, it is never merely produced by sadhana – when the heart is purified by hearing and so, it arises.”

However, the Caitanya Caritamrita (Madhya 19.151) says: brahmanda bhramite kon bhagyavan jiva, guru-krishna prasade pay bhakti-lata bija. “Wandering throughout the universe, some fortunate soul receives the seed of devotion, by the grace of Guru or Krishna.” Every word is significant here - kon means “some”, not that everyone gets it. pAy means 'he/she gets', not that it's intrinsic – it’s coming from outside. prasad means that it isn’t deserved, but is causeless grace. One cannot work in advance to attain it. Only in this way the verse nitya siddha krishna-prema sadhya kabhu noy can be understood. hladini is the missing ananda in the svarupa of the jiva and it is an external gift.
The verse nitya siddhasya bhavasya from the Bhakti Rasamrita Sindhu (1.2.2, quoted just before the nitya siddha krishna-prema verse in the Caitanya Caritamrita) confirms this - this nitya siddha bhava is the goal, it is not to be achieved artificially. Jiva Goswami comments on B.R.S. 1.2.2: bhavasya sadhyatve kritrimatvat parama-purusarthatvabhavah syad ity asankyaha nityeti, bhagavac-chakti-visesa-vritti-visesatvenagre sadhayisyamanatvad iti bhavah, i.e. “If bhava is attained mechanically (kritrima means something that is not produced naturally or spontaneously) it cannot be the highest goal of life; in order to clear this doubt the verse says – nitya-siddhasya bhavasya. The meaning is that in the first place (agre) it happens by a special function of the Lord's potency“.
The word nitya siddha means nitya-siddha bhaktas according to Mukunda Goswami in his comment on this verse: nitya-siddha-bhaktesu suddha-sattva-visesa-rupataya sada vartamanasyatra svayam sphuranan na kritrimatva-sanka. atah sri-krishna-namadi na bhaved grahyam indriyaih [bha.ra.si. 1.2.234] iti vaksyamanatvat. sadhana-bhaktir eva na kritrima, kim uta bhavah – “The pure sattva which is ever present in the nitya siddha devotees manifests itself and thus should not be seen as artificial. This can be seen in verse 1.2.234, atah sri krishna namadi. Surely sadhana bhakti is not artificial, what to speak of bhava.”
Jiva Gosvami comments on that Bhakti Rasamrita Sindhu verse (1.2.234): sevonmukhe hiti. sevonmukhe bhagavat-svarupa-tan-nama-grahanaya pravritta ity arthah. hi prasiddhau. yatha mriga-sariram tyajato bharatasya varnitam. narayanaya haraye nama ity udaram hasyan mrigatvam api yah samudajahara [bha.pu. 5.14.45] iti. yatha ca gajendrasya jajapa paramam japyam prag-janmany anusiksitam [bha.pu. 8.3.1]) “Sevonmukhe means one becomes inclined to chant the holy name of the Lord. The examples of Bharata in the deer-body, and Gajendra the elephant are very famous in this regard. They had animal tongues, but since they had a desire to chant the name of Krishna, svayam eva sphuratyadah - all this became spontaneously manifest.”
Bhakti is svarupa-sakti and the jiva is tatastha sakti. Therefore, bhakti cannot be intrinsic to the jiva. ananda that comes with bhakti is a function of cic-chakti which manifests as sandhini, samvit and hladini. bhaktyananda is the hladini-aspect of cic-chakti. The Lord's ananda is two-fold according to Jiva Gosvami's Priti Sandarbha (66): svarupananda and svarupa-saktyananda. The Lord Himself is depending on svarupa-saktyananda (svarupa-saktyananda-rupa yadananda-paradhinah sri-bhagavan apiti). This ananda is bhakti.
The Sruti quite clearly says that ananda is not a property of the jiva: raso vai sah, rasam hy evayam labdhvanandi bhavati, “God is verily rasa. If one attains rasa, one becomes blissful“. Apart from that, in the anandamayadhikarana of Vedanta-sutras, the acaryas explain that the jiva is not anandamaya. In the tika to the sutra vikara-sabdan neti cen na pracuryat, our Baladeva Vidyabhusana refutes the idea that the word ananda-maya could be applied to the jiva (tasmad anandamayo na jivah), and this is the case also in the liberated state which means non-existence of suffering (na canandamaya-sabdena muktau duhkhapty-asadbhavaj jiva iti vacyam).
In addition, commenting on the definition of the jiva as cid-anandatmaka, Jiva Gosvami explains in Paramatma Sandarbha (29) that the jiva is not ananda in the proper sense of the word: duhkha-pratiyogitvena tu jnanatvam anandatvam ca ... anandatvam nirupadhi-premaspadatvena sadhayati. “Because the jiva is beyond misery it is said to be of the nature of consciousness and bliss ... The jiva attains bliss when it attains love of God.“ However, Jiva Goswami mentions the ananda of the jiva in Priti Sandarbha (Anu. 65): ato nataram jivasya svarupananda-rupa, atyanta-ksudratvat. He says that it is extremely minute. However, one has to understand the statement in connection with the previous one, i.e. that the ananda means just non-existence of misery.
If one argues “What about the verse jivera svarupa hoy krishnera nitya-dasa from Caitanya Caritamrita (Madhya 20.108)? How to explain that in the light of bhava not being inherent? The words nitya and svarupa also imply inherence, after all.”
The answer to that will be: “The verse jivera svarupa hoy krishnera nitya-dasa does not say that bhakti is inherent to the jiva. It just means that the jiva is a sakti of the Lord, and thus it is subordinate to Him who is the saktiman, the Owner of the sakti. This relationship is eternal. It never was and will never be different. The verses subsequent to this one in Caitanya Caritamrita make the point clearly.”

"The point “Bhakti is svarupa-sakti and the jiva is tatastha sakti. Therefore, bhakti cannot be intrinsic to the jiva.” was taken from Navadvip Das’ introduction to Bhakti Sandarbha, with thanks. Some of the quotes were contributed by Krishnadasa (that was more than a little help from my friend).

2007-05-20T10:28:00.000-07:00

Here
is my favorite collection of everything that is great (and some not so great) in the ISKCON blog world. I check it every day.

2007-04-25T17:56:00.000-07:00

Here are some wonderful articles by an ISKCON thinker that I only recently was turned on to.
In addition, here is part one of an essay that addresses one of the central issues facing western-born Gaudiyas today. While the essay deals primarily with issues of epistemology and world-view as it relates to a sastric vs a materialistic and technological mind-set, I find that it applies to many facets of our lives- especially to those who try to imbibe a culturally Vaishnava world-view.
Part two.

2007-04-20T17:20:00.002-07:00

Here
is a great exchange on Advaita Das's excellent blog.
Madhavananda Das's point about Japa vs Sankirtan or Upamsu vs Manasika and Advaita Das's point about the Conduct of our Acrayas is part of what I am hoping to soon write about re: the relationship between preaching and bhajan.

2006-03-31T23:04:00.000-08:00

In a recent discussion on Vilasakunj, the question was posed wether it is better to perfect oneself in devotion first or preach the message of Mahaprabhu. A nice answer by Vamsidas.

"I cannot give what I do not have. The more I advance as a Vaishnava, the more I can give. Premature efforts to "spread the sankirtana movement," before I am its adequate representative, may amount to little more than self-aggrandisement. And it is important to recognize the distinction between "sankirtana" itself and "spreading the sankirtana movement." Spreading "the movement" may be meaningless -- or even counterproductive -- if I am spreading something other than what Mahaprabhu gave.

Of course, in the ultimate sense, nothing is "mine" to give -- all I can do is strive to become an ever-more-pure conduit of my guardians' mercy.

It may even be counterproductive to focus on which limbs of bhakti are "higher." Engagement in one will inevitably require engagement in others. If I artificially try to reduce my engagement in one because it is "lower," I may find myself less able to perform what is "higher." If I truly am advancing, even my "ordinary" life will more and more influence those around me, and thus very naturally "spread the sankirtana movement.""

2006-03-27T22:01:00.000-08:00

By AMIR SHAH, Associated Press Writer
KABUL, Afghanistan - An Afghan man who had faced the death penalty for converting from Islam to Christianity has been released from prison after the case was dropped, the justice minister said Tuesday.

"We released him last night because the prosecutors told us to," he said. "His family was there when he was freed, but I don't know where he was taken."

Hours earlier, hundreds of clerics, students and others chanting "Death to Christians!" marched through the northern Afghan Mazar-i-Sharif to protest the court's decision Sunday to dismiss the case.

"Abdul Rahman must be killed. Islam demands it," said senior Cleric Faiez Mohammed, from the nearby northern city of Kunduz. "The Christian foreigners occupying Afghanistan are attacking our religion."

Several Muslim clerics have threatened to incite Afghans to kill Rahman if he is freed, saying that he is clearly guilty of apostasy and deserves to die.

Rahman, 41, was arrested last month after police discovered him with a Bible. He was put on trial last week for converting 16 years ago while he was a medical aid worker for an international Christian group helping Afghan refugees in Pakistan. He had faced the death penalty under Afghanistan's Islamic laws.
from http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060328/ap_on_re_as/afghan_christian_convert

2006-01-13T12:38:00.000-08:00

I certainly did not want to begin blogging as my life is too busy anyway. I also am totally unqualified to share my ideas on Gaudiya Vaishnavism. In addition, I am too embarrassed about my internal life to throw it into cyberspace for all to see.
I just wanted to leave a comment on a friend's blog. Here is his blog.
http://madangopal.blogspot.com/
So, come to find out I am not a member of his "team" whatever that means.